You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
