Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Even my vagina gasped.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
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