ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
