I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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