Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
