and you said cock pushups were impossible
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
