I only kidnapped one of them. chill
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
