we're chasing vodka with high fives
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
