chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
