i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
