You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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