I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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