That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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