Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
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