He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
