I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
