Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
