my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
