i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
