no, he came in my armpit
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
