We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
