i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
