oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
