Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
