I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Someone shit on the floor
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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