i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
