Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
We named our party play list daddy issues
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
