I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
