U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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