woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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