I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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