just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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