We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Randomize
