i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
