It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
