i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i just had sex bonerless
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
