I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
