so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
The beer is more important than you right now.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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