Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
