So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
