I'm so fucking centered right now
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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