i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
