Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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