it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
