You're completely useless in the revolution.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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