As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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