Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
