operation harelip BJ is a go
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I have feelings that need drinking.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
