just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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