I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Randomize
